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Unbiologically Mine

Dear Foster Mom, They don't get it. They haven't walked in your shoes. They haven't experienced any of it. They are looking from the outside through a cloudy lens. They might not understand. They might not see. They are not in your position. They might not see the ten weeks of classes, the background checks, the fingerprints or the home study. They might not see they licencing agency pry into every detail of your life to see if you are a 'fit' parent. They might not see you wait weeks for your first placement. They might not see the disappointment in your eyes when you realize that others aren't as excited about this journey as you are. They might not see the sadness as you sit through yet another elaborate baby shower without having been given as much as a card to welcome your new arrival. They might not see the look of anticipation, fear, excitement, panic, or wonder on your face when you receive a call at 2:30 am asking you to take a child into your home. They might not see you throw on clothes, make the extra bed, check for clothes in the child's size, or make a list of things you need to buy first thing in the morning. They might not see you welcome the child with open arms, pour them a glass of milk, bathe them, inventory their few belongings, or tuck them into bed. They might not see you holding a sobbing child at 4 am or reassuring them that it will be okay. They might not feel the ache in your heart, or see the sadness in your eyes as you learn of the child's story riddled with abuse and neglect. They might not see you scrub crayon off the walls, change diapers, repair a tv broken by a greiving child, change the sheets yet again on a urine soaked mattress, or wipe the tears from a child's eyes. They might not see you take punches, have stuff thrown at you, be kicked, or bitten, or spit on. They might not see the hours of documentation you do for each child. They might not see you take the child to counseling, the doctor, dentist, trauma specialist or psychiatrist. They might not see you going to parent teacher conferences, helping with homework, buying school supplies and clothes, helping with school projects, taking them to sports, or going grocery shopping. They might not see you going to team meetings, going to court, meeting with case workers, meeting with lawyers, being chewed out by or helping the bio parents, and advocating for these children. They might not see you sitting up at 1 am wondering what you could have done better or why the child still won't hug you. They might not see you crying in private because you found out that this child who you've had for 2 years is leaving your home. They might not see the tears roll down your cheeks as you pack their belongings into totes. They might not see you mourn over these children long after they have left your house. They might not see your heart. But God sees. He sees every tear you've shed. He sees the sacrifices. He sees the difference you've made in the lives of the children you love. He sees the sleepless nights, the joy, the sadness, the fear, and the anger at a broken system. He sees all of it. He loves these children even more than you do...and He loves you as well! Being a foster parent can feel very lonely at times. It is motherhood, plus so much more. And until they've walked in your shoes, they probably won't see....BUT GOD DOES! LOVE, Someone who DOES SEE. By Krysten Vance

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